Friday, August 6, 2010

Mountaintop experiences gone idol... no more!

As Mark Driscoll described how people worship, they pour all they have into their idols. When they don't get what they want, or someone gets in their way... They get angry, others get violent.

I was angry. Fed up. Downright disappointed. I wanted that next mountaintop experience with God so badly... and day after day, for months, I never got it.

There would be some days, or instances where I'd get all weepy-eyed and cry and whatever, but more often than not (save for some instances where God did indeed reveal his glory in my suffering), I was just crying because I had an excuse to cry. I was feigning mountaintop experiences to get a temporary Christian high.

The highs let me down, so come May or so I started to distract myself. A lot. I became lonely, depressed, and yet, obsessed with social networks. I got interaction, but none of it was ever enough. So, I started more and more to try and fix my TF kink.

That didn't work either, and now I have a pawing problem because I fixed something that a filthy rag can't even remove a stain from (reference to how good our good is compared to Christ).

I've been very whiny to everyone. Facebook, ChristianFurs, and with the RPG Maker VX forums, I've pretty much just been using them to get script documents to make my games cooler (games I never finished).

Begging for attention, begging for some kind of high in life... and I never found any of it.

And then, I found the prophetic word. The Bible. I saw a sermon Mark Driscoll preached about people idolizing mountaintop experiences, and it rang so true for me. There was this also:

2 Peter 1:19-21:

And we have something more sure, THE PROPHETIC WORD, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts, knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone’s own interpretation. For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

That's it. Right there. The thing I was missing all along. The Bible. I never needed to go looking for a mountaintop experience, or to look down at the crater I was in. All I had to do was read the Word... and cast down my idols that God might have spoken to my heart amidst my (mostly self-inflicted) burdens.

Praise God that I've begun to understand this... and, I'm sorry for whining so much.