Sunday, July 12, 2009

Weight of what you are

I noticed a slight flaw in my thinking when I had that conversation with Nathan. Yes, it is true that being a furry implies a lot of bad things to those who actually know what it is, but at the same time the general public doesn't have a clue. Personally, it was (and at times still is) extremely difficult to talk about furry to anyone, because I immediately assumed the worst would happen if I told them, almost as if I were going around telling people I was a wolf again or something.

In a sense, because of the mindset I held whilst being a furry, that's partially true for me. Yes, I had a wolf fursona, and for seemingly good reasons that justified it (it was a means to remind myself of where God had brought me from--trying to make myself not hate wolves anymore because of wolves being one of God's many creations... etc.), but in all reality, furry was just another way for me to escape.

To be honest, being a furry would have been a lot more fun for me if I'd had different motives for "being one." That connotation right there, the idea of "being" a furry, brought me back to the ideal that I was something other than what God made me to be. The furries I know generally don't hold that mentality; it was poison that I was holding onto from my older days that corrupted my furry experience.

Anything and everything, if moderated incorrectly, can lead someone into sin, taking away precious moments in life that would otherwise be there. When I was asked to play with my little brother or sister, or watch a movie with family, or heck even eat with the family, I would say no more than half the time, because I was on the computer hanging out in CFF.

There was a carnal attachment that kept me there, one I didn't notice or even want to admit was there. From the day that I chose to call myself furry, I was sinning. Not because furry is bad, but because I wanted another escape, and my flesh wanted an escape, and moreover, another identity that would make it feel like I was stronger than I felt I was.

The furry identity I adopted became so much more than just a hobby, it became who I was as a whole. Furry wasn't a fandom for me, it was a race of people who were different from the rest of the world... which is exactly what I was searching for, a way to differentiate from other human beings somehow without holding onto the belief that I wasn't human myself, and not only that, a community where I could uphold this identity.

Let me ask you this: Are you involved in something, some kind of community or club you enjoy? How much of that community is part of who you are? How much weight do you put on telling someone "what you are?"

The only thing that should have any sort of weight or importance, I feel, is who you are in Christ. There's so much more worth in that... nothing in this world could ever give you any true lasting importance, importance and worth that will last until the end of the age.

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